Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I've got SOOOO much on my mind!

This is a boring one just to warn you! I've been up for over an hour with my mind racing and so I figured I would just let it all out. Over the weekend of Bob's wedding James hit a car in the parking lot when we were leaving the dinner. We called our insurance and took care of it all and they came to do an estimate of the damage to our car. It was A LOT more than I was expecting just simply because of where it hit....$1500 and it'll take 3 days to fix. Well, it's the only car we have and so it would cost us to get a rental on top of the $500 deductible and whatever it goes over and we're trying to sell it to get a Suburban because we just don't fit in it anymore. What do you do? Do we pay to fix it and then sell it, while still having to pay some money out of pocket for what we're upside down on it (only about $400-$500)? Or just sell it like it is and use the money from the insurance to pay that difference? I never know what to do!!!!!

Yesterday I called to pay our last health insurance bill before James goes active duty. To get on Tricare Prime, which means you don't pay monthly or anything else, you have to have the application in by the 20th of the month to get coverage for the 1st of the following month. Problem...James goes active on the 21st of April and there are no orders til after the 1st of Prime until June 1st. There is a slight chance that if DEERS (the people who determine eligibility) get the activation status change in the system before that we can have the application in before he leaves and POSSIBLY get it for the 1st of May. I know it doesn't sound like a huge deal but this is what it means to me. If I have the baby before May 1st with the other insurance I pay close to $1000 or more for it all, or if I have the baby on the 1st or after, I pay nothing (if we get the other insurance). Again...WHAT DO I DO??????? I know it seems like no big deal to some but for me it is. I like to know what's going on and not feel like things are up in the air. I don't like taking chances. I don't like the idea of maybe we'll get the insurance or maybe we won't...ya know what I'm saying? If I know right now that there's no chance that we can and I'm going to have to pay no matter what, it just makes it easy.

My last dilemma seems to be one of the hardest to deal with. I don't think it would be as bad if I weren't pregnant but unfortunately for my sanity, I am. As the time gets closer to both my due date and James leaving, the more stressed I get. I almost feel like some days I can't function. I love James so much and I know how much the kids and I are going to miss him. Of course it's only 7-10 weeks or so that he'll be gone, and we've had other times when it's been longer and survived. The part I have the hardest time with is what's happening while he's gone. I've had 5 kids already and I've always been able to rely on him to be there with me and hold my hand and tell me what a good job I'm doing, and how much he loves me. It's always been so nice...and I'm not even mean or ever yelled at him (may be a shock but it's true). He's always stayed with me overnight in the hospital. With Sariah he went home with my mom and the kids and I called him crying because I couldn't sleep without him there, so he came all the way back to be with us. He's so wonderful! I just can't imagine doing this without him this time. I know I'm whining and I feel like such a baby, but I can't imagine any woman who wouldn't want their husband there with them for this miracle taking place. There's still a very small part of me that just wants to have the amnio done, pay whatever it costs, and have the baby before he leaves...but there's the other part of me that feels like I can do it and I just need to wait. I just hate feeling so confused and not knowing what to do. Oh well...I know that this is the time with all of these circumstances where I turn it over to The Lord and allow Him to help me. I know that if I trust in Him, that He will lead us in the right direction and I will know what to do. I just need to have more faith in Him and confidence in the choices that I make. I know that He loves me and is mindful of me and the stresses that I have right now. I just pray that I'll have the courage to let it go and leave it in His hands to guide me in the right direction. If you got through this mess of a post thanks for reading! I love all you wonderful friends I have and I don't know what I would do without you all!


amberjill said...

I know how you feel, comletely! I'm so sorry you are so frustrated. We are going through some of the same things. Our car was hit while we were gone and we are trying to sell it. I'm thinking I'll just get it fixed and take it to carmax so i don't have to wait for someone to come along and low ball me. I would take your car there and see what they'll give you for it before you fix it. As for the insurance, are you on tricare reserve select? Walter was supposed to be on AD orders when we had Maeli, but the guard didn't have the funding to send him to class, so we weren't. I thought it would cost around $1K to have her, but the only bill I've seen so far, and it's been 4 months, is one for $32.60. We didn't get our paperwork in by the 20th for our Prime to start Feb. 1st because we thought that it would happen when Walter's orders went through. So, we didn't think we'd have Prime until March 1. But, when his orders came through and they had our paperwork, they backdated our insurance to his AD date, which was Jan 27. I get frustrated with Tricare because they always tell me something different. But, that is how it has worked out for us. As for having the baby without him, that's tough! My brother was on the phone from Iraq with his wife when she delivered, but that was by chance. I wish you the best of luck with all of this. Just remember, this too shall pass. And then you'll have your James back! :)

Morgen said...

I am sorry you are so stressed out and have so much going on.
I honestly don't have any encouraging words about james leaving cuz you are stronger than me! I couldn't do it, well, I could but I would be a WRECK!! if you ever need anything, seriously!!! call me, it is not that far of a drive. even if you are just having a bad day and want someone to hang with!
I know everyone says stuff like that and people are hesitant to take them up on it...don't! I mean it, call me anytime!!

kristi said...

Hey girlie! I love you and I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I'll call you in a bit.

Corianne said...

Erin, you are such a good family! You do what's right and that's all that matters. You have faith and you rely on the Lord and amazingly you get through it! It's enduring through it and the unknown that is sooooo hard! Trust in Him, He will direct your path. And I know you already know this! Thinking of you!